Losses
by Asagi Tsuki
Summary: Kanmuri thought about the losses he experienced and was convinced that he couldn't avoid everything


**Losses**

By: Asagi Tsuki

Summary: Kanmuri thought about the losses he experienced and was convinced that he couldn't avoid everything

Warning: possible OOCness

Disclaimer: I don't own Yakitate! Japan

**Lost**

Shigeru walked into his small apartment unit listlessly, dragging his backpack along with him with a hand. He opened the door and locked it behind him before he threw his bag towards the couch, getting it to land near the feet of the couch instead, and plopped himself down on it.

He sighed audibly and stared at the ceiling of the dark room. He wasn't feeling like he wanted to stare at the glaring lamp so he let it be. After blinking a few times, he turned so he lied on his side instead.

He had lost. Not only the match with Azuma, but everything. He had lost his lab that was funded by Yukino. With the lab, he had also lost the data he had gathered for so long for his project, and with them, he lost his hope. His hope and dreams of achieving something greater.

He turned around again, trying to find a comfortable position. He frowned a little and thought. Although he had lost so many things, he wasn't feeling depressed. He didn't feel any despair, and it made him slightly uneasy. Why was it? Was it because he had experienced so many losses?

It was true. Since the first loss he knew, he had started so experience so many losses. He couldn't believe how rotten his luck was at first, but then he came to accept it as a part of his life. It was as if his life wouldn't be his life if he was lucky, and he never wanted to believe he could be lucky.

Maybe that was the reason why he had fully expected himself to lose his match against Azuma. But then, why didn't he backup his data somewhere else if he knew it would happen?

Simple. Because then he wouldn't feel another loss.

He knew he was starting to be a different kind of masochist, but he didn't care. He could still remember the first loss clearly, as if it had just happened yesterday.

-.-.-.-. _flashback_ -.-.-.-.-.

Shigeru looked at the neatly arranged truffles and smiled proudly. He closed the box and tied it with a ribbon. Today was February fourteenth, and he didn't plan on missing it. It would be their last year together and he thought it'd be best if he just suck up and tell it to him.

Yes. He, Kanmuri Shigeru, had a crush on his senior, Kuroyanagi Ryou.

He knew it was strange since his senior was rather eccentric, but he didn't really care. He had liked him since the first time he helped him out, and the feeling grew since then. It had turned to a crush around last year, but he didn't dare tell his senior what he felt.

He didn't want to lose him before telling him, so he decided on confessing. That way, he'd know if he liked him or not, and he wouldn't be left to guess.

He smiled at his supposedly brilliant idea and put the box into a small gift bag. He then walked over to his senior's apartment to hand him it.

"Hello, Kanmuri," Kuroyanagi had greeted, happier than usual. At that time, Shigeru was starting to suspect something had happened, because he wasn't usually that bouncy. Unless he had consumed another bread with doping medicine, of course.

"Hello, senpai," Shigeru greeted back. He was about to speak when Kuroyanagi cut him off and started to babble.

"Hey, you know that girl I told you? The one named Cathy?" Kuroyanagi asked, his excitement could be seen in his eyes.

Shigeru blinked stupidly a few times. "Uh, yes? What about her?"

"She gave me chocolate today, and asked if I would go out with her!" Kuroyanagi answered, oblivious to his junior's surprise and disappointment. "Oh, I'm so happy!"

Shigeru flashed a weak smile at him. "That's great, senpai. Good luck," he said, trying to sound happy, but it really didn't matter since Kuroyanagi was being far too happy for his own good. "Oh, right, um, a friend of mine taught me how to make truffles, and I thought I'd give it a shot. Would you like to try them?"

"I'd like to," Kuroyanagi smiled happily at him. "You're a great baker, Kanmuri."

Shigeru smiled, thanked him, and walked away.

-.-.-.-.-. _end of flashback_ -.-.-.-.-.

Shigeru laughed bitterly at the memory. Since the incident, he had distanced away from Kuroyanagi. He paid great attention not to come across him anywhere and he rejected his calls. He didn't reply to his messages and didn't even say thank you when Kuroyanagi told him his truffles were excellent in one of his messages.

It was then that he decided on avoiding things that he lost. Once, he lost his pet cat and since then he refused to keep another cat. Maybe now he was going to avoid researching, finding information, and joining baking competition ever again. Or he'd simply stop baking.

But then, what would he do? He had studied hard so he could be a good baker. If he was going to avoid baking, then what could he do?

A loud knock on the door snapped him out of his train of thoughts and he quickly walked over to open it. His apartment door wasn't equipped with the hole to see who was standing outside so he was forced to open it.

At the sight of Kuroyanagi, he shut the door in reflex. Sadly, Kuroyanagi had thought about it and as soon as Shigeru opened the door, he held a small wooden stick to keep it from being shut.

"Kanmuri, open the door," Kuroyanagi asked as he tried pushing the door open but to no avail. Shigeru was leaning against the door from behind it, pushing it with all his weight and Kuroyanagi was suddenly aware that in spite of his small built, Shigeru was quite heavy.

"No," Shigeru shook his head though he knew Kuroyanagi wouldn't be able to see it. He had spent many years trying to avoid his senpai. The time he approached Kuroyanagi during a match was simply to tease him. Why should he give up now?

"Kanmuri, open the door," Kuroyanagi repeated, this time emphasizing each syllables. He was starting to get impatient and was seriously thinking of ramming the door open. Unfortunately, he'd either hurt Shigeru or knock him out.

"No!" Shigeru retorted back heatedly. He reached over to get rid of the wooden stick, but Kuroyanagi noticed it and quickly shot his hand forward to take hold of Shigeru's wrist.

"Shigeru," he stated and Shigeru froze.

Kuroyanagi never called him by his first name. He had only done that when he was angry at him.

He slumped his shoulders forward and opened the door, letting the wooden stick fell to the floor with a dull thud.

"What is it?" he asked, looking at his feet.

"Look at me, Shigeru," he added the last part after a brief pause when he noticed that Shigeru wasn't planning on doing as he asked unless forced to.

Shigeru grudgingly looked up. "What?" he was starting to get irritated and he was aware of it.

"Do you really think avoiding things will help you solve your problem?" Kuroyanagi accused and Shigeru winced a little. Of course he knew it wouldn't! But at least he wouldn't have to feel the same kind of loss, right?

"You lost not only because Azuma's bread was slightly better than yours," Kuroyanagi added and Shigeru frowned at him. "You lost, because you've lost so many times and I wanted to show you that can avoid losses without avoiding things altogether."

"Why would you care!?' Shigeru shouted angrily as he broke free of Kuroyanagi's hold. "You haven't lost anything, have you!? What do you know!?"

A look of hurt showed in Kuroyanagi's eyes and Shigeru regretted saying what he said. A part of him told him to say sorry while the other part told him that he deserved it for hurting him in the first place.

"Do you really think I've lost nothing?" Kuroyanagi asked softly and the evil part of Shigeru was screaming yes in his head while Shigeru was restraining himself from doing so.

"Because of my stupidity, I've lost something important," he stated sadly and before Shigeru could remark sarcastically, he was pulled into a hug by him. "I've lost you, and I don't plan on losing you again."

Shigeru blinked a few times, but then hugged back. He didn't care if it was only a dream. He wanted to savor the moment and he would.

At that time, he decided that maybe he could stop avoiding things and continue baking.

**And Found**

Um… right. This is a very short and crappy ficlet, I know. I'm stressed out by this myself.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this ficlet, and if you do, please leave a review or comment.


End file.
